Real yoga and some real lessons learned...

Last two and a half months have been the most painful, debilitating and yet most awakening for me. After ignoring all cues my body gave me that its hurting, I took my strength for granted and ended up with excruciatingly painful sciatica in my right leg. I couldn't stand, walk or sit without the pain shooting down my leg. My toes got numb within a minute of standing up. No amount of pain killers would bring relief. Just when I was starting to enjoy perfect health and a calm mind, I was hit with this. Just when the students at the studio had started to progress so well and were hoping to go ahead with their yoga learning in summer, I had to stop. More than the pain, what hurt me more was that I could not do yoga or even sit to meditate, something which had become my whole being.

But now the real yoga begins! I now understand that all this happened for a reason. Pain and injury have been my true teachers of the spiritual path and now it was time for me to walk my own talk. Sciatica meant I will not be able to do my favorite Halasana, or rather any of those calming forward bend poses. When you are injured, you have to ask, "Am I really going to do yoga, or am I going to let my nerve pain heal?".  Does it annoy me? For sure! But it's my ego that's hurting. So then that is the tapas. That is the real lesson learned. And that's more yoga than just being on the mat and doing the sequence of asanas. I have now known that pain is a necessary spiritual tool in a practice that claims to heal the body and ego and free the person from all limitations.

I kept neglecting the wrong kind of pain and ended up with an injury. I didn't want that but I learnt not to push my body beyond a certain limit. If too much pain does injure a yogi, the bright side is that renewed focus upon bodily healing may hurt the ego as it contemplates its new limitations. And this is good news! The real yoga is the burning up of the ego! It's a pity that there's so much emphasis on harder an stronger postures and comparatively little encouragement of softness and ease. Especially when the latter is a greater challenge. Demonstrating kindness to oneself, exercising discipline of restraint, now that is more inspiring!

The only thing which has helped consistently in pain relief from day one till today is, Pranayama, deep breathing. When nothing seemed to work, pranayama came to the rescue, solidifying my belief in it forever. The teachings of my spiritual Guru gave me mental strength and understanding. I now understand concepts like 'forebearance', 'to accept pain with the knowledge that it will go away' and 'pain is a way to exhaust bad karma'. He reminded me that the ultimate goal of a seeker is self-knowledge and not to be disheartened by road blocks like not being able to do yoga or be thrilled to be able to do it again. I have learnt to set micro intentions, like doing one set of Sun Salutation everyday,(coming down from many rounds to one round is a huge lesson to the ego!). But small baby steps one day at a time, will take me further.

Ask yourself, "What wisdom have you gained from going through a difficult or challenging period in your life"? Remaining equanimous with faith and patience through pain, injury and suffering is hard, but that is where the real inner work of yoga begins. Being strong in yoga isn't about how long you hold a headstand. It's about how much grace you can have in adversity.